Should We Talk About Aged Care at Christmas? A Guide for Adult Children
For many families, Christmas is the first time in months that everyone is under the same roof. It's also when adult children often notice things they can't see over the phone.
Dad seems less steady on his feet.
Mum mentions she's stopped driving at night.
The fridge is nearly empty, or the mail has piled up on the bench.
It's natural to wonder whether this is the moment to raise Aged Care, downsizing or getting some extra help. The honest answer is yes, it can be, but perhaps not in the way you imagine.
Christmas is a good time to notice and to open the door. It's rarely the right time to have the whole conversation.
What to look out for
Use your time together to observe, gently and without making it obvious.
Signs that more support may be needed include:
Unopened mail, unpaid bills or reminder notices
Out-of-date food, or a fridge and pantry that look different from usual
Medication that's missed, doubled up or causing confusion
Changes in mobility or balance, or recent falls, including small ones
A home or garden that's become harder to keep up
Weight loss, changes in personal care, or seeming more withdrawn than usual
New dents or scrapes on the car
One sign on its own isn't cause for alarm.
What you're looking for is a pattern, and whether things have changed since your last visit.
Why the Christmas table isn't the place
Raising Aged Care in front of the whole family, especially over lunch, can leave a parent feeling ambushed or embarrassed.
It can also turn a caring intention into a group debate, with siblings, partners and grandchildren all weighing in.
Most people respond far better to a private, calm conversation where they feel respected and in control.
Talk to your siblings first
If you have brothers or sisters, compare notes before or during the holidays, away from your parents. You may each have noticed different things. Agreeing on what you've seen, and on who is well placed to raise it, helps you offer a united and supportive approach rather than mixed messages.
How to open the door
Choose a quiet moment, such as a walk, a drive or a cup of tea after the crowd has gone home.
Keep the focus on your parent's wishes rather than your worries. A few gentle ways to start:
"I noticed the stairs seem a bit harder lately. How are you finding things around the house?"
"Have you thought about what you'd want if you needed a bit more help one day?"
Listen more than you speak. If your parent isn't ready to talk, that's okay. You've planted a seed, and you can come back to it.
Useful things to cover, and what can wait
If the conversation goes well, a few practical topics are worth raising while you're together. These are about being prepared, not about making decisions:
Whether an Enduring Power of Attorney and a current Will are in place, and where they're kept
Whether your parent would like a family member to be able to speak with Centrelink or My Aged Care for them. Centrelink allows a nominee to be appointed, and a family member can be registered as a supporter with My Aged Care
Where key documents are kept, such as bank details, Centrelink letters and insurance policies
Whether an Aged Care assessment might be helpful, even just to understand what support is available and the timeline for approvals
The detail can wait. Costs, accommodation payments, the family home and Age Pension impacts are all important, but they're better worked through calmly in the new year, with the right information in front of you.
If the conversation doesn't go well It's common for a first conversation to be met with resistance, or for emotions to run high. That doesn't mean it failed. Sometimes we just need time to process what's been said. Let things settle, avoid pressing the point over the holidays, and plan to follow up in January once routines return. |
Following up in the new year
January is a natural time to pick up the conversation. If more support is needed, we can help your family understand the options, from Support at Home services to residential Aged Care, and what each would mean financially. We also work directly with Centrelink and Aged Care providers on your family's behalf, so you're not left to manage it alone.
If you've noticed changes over Christmas and aren't sure where to start, talk to our team today. Call 1300 924 644 or book a call with Bill.
